Room 515

10614284_10203904713331804_6608999220225135415_nAll moved in! I am living in White Hall this year, and I am absolutely in love with my dorm room! It’s so much bigger and nicer than my room in Garrett. Here’s a picture of the decor and set up on ‘my side’ of the room!

My amazing roommate, Brittany, moved in last night. I predict she and I will become best friends– we have a similar twisted sense of humor and get along wonderfully. We’ve already gotten close, and it has only been one night! So, so very thankful 🙂

I’m nervous for this semester, but I am here and ready to give it my all. My health may be unstable and my family dysfunctional, but my God is greater ❤ So, bring it on!

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And The War Wages On

I work my very hardest to be “normal” and not to bring anyone down. However, I must say…

It’s indescribably disheartening to sit helpless as a disease detains you in the prison of your own body. You look back at your former life with nostalgic envy, realizing you took it all for granted. From the most elaborate vacation to a simple walk to the bathroom. Every day without pain or fatigue- when you had the potential to say “yes” to every exciting invitation instead of, “No, I’m too sick” to any suggestion at all…so many times that people cease asking altogether.

What I would give for the “normal”- even “boring”- feelings that many my age detest. I would love to get up early to the sound of an alarm clock jarring me out of a sweet dreamland for yet another predictable day of monotony. To get up out of bed, brush my teeth, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast…

To not have to worry about about medicines, treatments, injections, IVs, emergency room visits, hospital stays, dizziness, fainting, blacking out, heart palpitations, dangerously low blood pressure, vertigo, excessive fatigue, weakness, nausea, vomiting, dehydration, migraines, blindness, shortness of breath, tachycardia, hives, anaphylaxis…

To set out to enjoy another day of teenage normalcy instead of settling into the rigor that is the 24/7 management of an unpredictable and all-consuming illness, hoping that my well-disciplined routine will allow me one more day of maintenance and “just getting by.”

I am not seeking your pity- I am incredibly thankful for the life I have, truly, despite my limitations. But I do plead for your understanding.

Please see that I am not my illnesses: I am me…

I’m holding my ground as the army that is chronic illness pushes forward. It may have more weaponry and experience, but I have an amazing team, a little stubbornness, and a lot of untiring faith.