Missing ECU Already

ecuuu
Nights like these remind me just how much I’m gonna miss this place…
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:(

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to medically withdraw from college. 😦  Chronic illness shows no mercy.  If I do in fact choose to withdraw, I will have to submit all documentation by Friday…and then move out in 24 hours.  And who knows if they’ll even approve my request this late in the semester.  Don’t know what the next step is…where I’ll go, what I’ll do next and what the future looks like.  Will I go back and live with my parents?  My mother still hates my guts half the time.  And what about when Keri comes home from college?  My heart is so unbelievably heavy right now.  I feel like I’m drowning…

109lbs

This flare has been unrelenting & it’s starting to show a bit.  Down another 2 lbs. My gastroparesis has been awful & I’ve been praying to the porcelain gods a lot more than usual lately…and throwing up some blood. I should probably get that checked out, but it’s bright red as opposed to the coffee grounds they generally tell you to look out for. I don’t know. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the blood is actually coming from my throat. All this vomiting & retching has my poor throat in really rough shape. 😦 It always hurts & I am constantly losing my voice— IMG_0471but I digress.

Despite all this, I’m doing my absolute best to get in enough calories. I try so, so very hard.  I consume 3 Ensure ‘meal replacement’ drinks a day in addition to my usual diet (plus extra snacking), but I just can’t seem to gain weight. I’ve been really thin ever since I got sick when I was 17…that’s nothing new…but I was doing well with holding my weight between 112-116 for a few months. Oy vey.

The student health center thinks I’m anorexic which is definitely not the case. It’s hard to convince them otherwise when my blood work has so off (& urinalysis showing a pretty decent amount ketones)…but Brittany offered to show them the video of me eating an entire gluten free pizza in less than an hour.. 😉 #ChubbyChasing