Infusion Center Love

Had my infusion at Duke Raleigh Cancer Center, and guess who was there?! Meet Hummer- one of the prettiest, most intelligent and most intuitive service dogs I’ve ever been blessed to know. ❤

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He’s gonna be retired soon because of an eye disease that’s slowly stealing his vision, so I wanted to make sure to definitely get a picture with his sweet self. Love this boy!

 

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Gallbladder Surgery

OR nurse: “Please tell me your full name, your birthdate and procedure.” Me: “Cassidy Celeste, 11/10/94, and I’m here for a sex change.” Apparently I thought I was a lot funnier than they did.. 😉

Surgery went very well yesterday! Waking up from anesthesia was rough, but there were no complications with the actual procedure. Here’s to no more gallbladder attacks!

Duke Admission, Day 2

Admitted at Duke. 4L of IV fluid today & some more testing. Not entirely sure what the doctors have in mind for me yet…but they’re certainly not happy with the way things are now. We’ll see. IMG_2472So far while here, I’ve starting two new medications for my dysautonomia-  Mestinon & Bystolic. Gallbladder removal surgery pushed til Wednesday (?) because the doctor wants me to be more stable before he operates. Wednesday cannot come soon enough! These ‘gallbladder attacks’ take my breath away, & I SO cannot wait to get this darned thing out of me. Some of the craziest pain I’ve ever experienced! Goodness. Hoping to get out of here soon.. 🙂

This Is Not How Life Is Supposed To Be

There are so many things I should be doing, places I should be exploring, and memories I should be making.  But instead I lie in bed, writhing in pain as hot, salty tears soak my pillow.  My body feels heavy, my chest feels hollow, my thoughts are all over the place, and my head feels like it might explode.  I am merely a shell of my normal self.  Most all of my “friends” no longer talk to me or even care to acknowledge I still exist.  This is NOT how life is supposed to be.  I can’t stand living like this.  I am a prisoner of my body and mind…on the outside looking in as my peers reach milestone after milestone, leaving me in the dust.  It’s hard not to become grossly depressed.  But I promise you, this will not be how my story ends.  I am so much more than my life circumstances, more than these illnesses and more than this pain.  I may not know what will come next, but I am still in charge of my life.  That shred of power, although small, gives me hope.  I am sick…I am hurting…I am exhausted– but this cannot be forever.  This, too, shall pass…