Today I injected myself with Relistor for the first time!  Woo!

Relistor is a medication that reverses the effects of narcotic medication on the digestive tract.  For me, it was prescribed sort of off-label; my motility issues began way before I took any kind of medication.  However, I have pretty much run out of options.  I have tried almost every constipation remedy out there- Eastern, Western and everywhere in between- with very little to no success.  Doctors were beginning to talk about an ileostomy or even a colectomy (yikes!), but the doc with Palliative Care had the idea to try this first.  I am so glad he did!

Honestly?  I was pretty nervous to try it.  I don’t tend to react well to new medication…or, new stimulus at all, really.  Lol.


Not only did I not experience a negative reaction, but… IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!!

I may or may not have cried from surprise and joy. :’)

One Small Step

Yesterday, on a sunny, clear-skied afternoon, a member of our Wolfpack family took a step that ended his life.  Joseph Alexander Banks, or “Joey,” trekked up to the tall balconies of Dabney Hall and fell nine stories to his ultimate demise.

Today I sat in a private memorial.  On a swing outside of Dabney, I looked to the roof, closed my eyes and said a prayer.  

For him and for everyone whose existence was ended so violently.  

For everyone who has looked or will look up to the rooftops wishing they, too, could take the leap.  

For everyone whose voice has been stolen, the stigma around mental illness binding them in silence.

For everyone who has fallen or will fall victim to the darkness.  

For everyone who slipped through the cracks, pushed aside until it was too late.

For everyone who envied the dead, feeling the wait for the end was far too long.

For everyone whose soul was so heavy, they could not feel the warm sun and cool breeze on their skin.

For everyone out there who feels they are past the point of saving — too far gone.

For a suffocating brokenness.  For a fallen word.

People like Joey are not as rare as some may like to believe.  They are all around us…in our classes, in our streets…perhaps even in the mirror…

The difference between Joey and I is one small step. 

One step from the top to the bottom.  

One step from life to death.

One breath.

One decision.

One final goodbye.

Just one small step.

One small step can end a life…but not all hope is lost.  One small step can save a life, too.  

A smile.  A conversation.  A kind heart.  An open mind.

Will you be that one small step for someone?  

Reach out.  Be a friend.  Love your neighbor.  Step outside of your comfort zone.  Stop the stigma.

Take the time to help someone take a step back from the ledge — I dare you. 

More Like Falling In Love

From August 25, 2015.

Had moved into apartment all by myself, while really ill, and the place was trashed.

It was trashed BEFORE I even moved in, because my mother asked them not to clean or paint (because I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivities). There was literally blood smeared around the bathroom and nasty stains on the carpet and goodness knows what all over the walls and desk.

Worked really hard to get it together- again, BY MYSELF! – despite my health and my body’s objections. Took me hours (though the time-lapse makes it look like seconds!)…but I did it. I needed my room to be a place where I could think…study…breathe…function. And I had a lot of people to prove wrong.

As of now (9/7/15), the room looks COMPLETELY different. It is beautiful and matches and the carpet is even scrubbed and new-looking. It’s even organized 🙂

The point of the beginning of this video?

I overcame everything and did what I needed to do…turned the pain into power…and was successful. Was the room perfect? Not even close! But did I make a lot of progress? YES.

Difficult does not equate impossible.

Small victories are still victories. 🙂

My New Ride

In May, I was blessed to receive a power chair to aid with mobility. It is red and black (Go Pack!) and actually really cool.  I’ll admit, I’m still not 100% comfortable being seen using it.  Yes, I know that seems a bit shallow.  It’s really not that I care about what people think of me or my disability–  I am not ashamed to use it around campus or in class or downtown.  I am, however, a bit embarrassed to use it on the always-crowded bus.  There, I take up a full row of seats and, because of me, people must stand.  I just feel guilty- as if I’m a burden.  Not sure how to solve that.  Anyway, here’s a little look at my new ride. 🙂