I Understand

I understand why you lied

Your story sent angry mobs after me

Death threats, mental institutions, hatred, and doubt

But I do not regret defending you

A missing patch hair is easier to grasp

than a broken soul and a crushed sense of self

Years of abuse and chaos had taken everything

And I get it, I truly do

I know right now you feel no guilt for your actions

Nor their repercussions

But if one day you do, just know:

While it still hurts and haunts me at night

Brelyn, I understand

Vertigo

The landscape seems fractured

      as the sky’s plates shift

on one another

 and the horizon tilts  

while bright colors swirl around me

 like paint on a surrealist canvas

and I cannot help but notice that

 the shambling creature

who once lurked in my shadow

now lurches in my shoes,

stretches her legs in mine

and trips up my feet

as I stagger through a swaying world…

 

I Was Here

Yes Sir.

No Sir.

“RUTH WAS HERE”

written in blood

on the wall of the cabin.

She was a wildfire spreading

her wings through fields of wildflowers

And now she was here

with her spine

braided in a straight line

complying with the officer.

Yes sir.

No sir.

“I was here,”

she thought

but she would never let anybody know.

Syncope

Hanging off a ledge,

   The aching hole beneath my dangling feet

is waiting to devour me.

I try to scream, but my breath is caught

   as my fingers curl

     around slippery thoughts

     and jumbled words

and suddenly I’m falling–

   tumbling faster and faster

into the abyss

         until

       nothing.

Ode To My Feeding Tube

Oh, my dangling companion

Precious link to my jejunum

Once enemies, now my closest confidant

Inseparable team

How I appreciate your friendship

Your quirks, clogs, spills and drips–

I’ve grown to love them all

Tube that makes me normal,

Tube that sets me apart.

Sustainer of life, my ticket to the future

Proudly protruding from my abdomen

Durable through the constant tug-of-war

Between inside and outside

Illness and wellness

Life and death

Warrior, bypassing paralyzed organs

Knight in plastic armour

Surpassing the traitors within

Reminder of a winding journey of ups and downs

Pain and triumph

Sign of strength yet revealer of weakness

Thank you for your service, you beautiful little paradox

(Written for ENG 289…lol)

Happiness Framed For Their View

Pictures worth a thousand words

But each beset with lies

An act we’ve donned for others

Manic smiles, frozen eyes

A moment trapped within the frame

Preserved like a sweet rose

Happiness framed for their view

Nothing but the best of shows

We’re a troupe of actors first

People once our roles are through

Play perfection, trapped in glass

The lie you see, our gift to you